Relationship status: Single and Dam Proud

Hey....

It was gonna be sooner rather than later when I dedicated an entire blog to relationships. I am going to be honest I do feel very Sex and the City right now.

Firstly, I believe a disclaimer is due because I am no real advocate of relationships. I am not in one nor am I close to being in one. However, I don't believe that gives me a disadvantage when talking about them; if anything I may be more objective.

When looking at both Christian and secular relationships there are moments of great comparasion but also one of great distance. I think so often Christian dismiss non-Christian's relationships not to be as "special" as Christian ones. That Christians have a better understanding on how to "do" relationships. The obvious missing element is God. No points for discovering that. However, one thing I admire in non-Christian relationships is the non-pressure attitude. With the majority of non-Christian relationships it very much like 'I like you and you like me' then there is a casual seeing each other stage and finally the stage just seeing where it is going. The final stage is my favourite because there is no pressure.

Before you continue to read. I understand there is no point being in a relationship unless you see a future and of course I am not suggesting you ditch the Christian values in your relationship. I am merely disputing the pressure.

I went to Luton to see a friend's film a few weeks ago, because I was seeing the late showing I had some time to kill so I decided to eat in Nando's. I don't particularly like Nando's at the best of the times and the scene which I am about to explain has confirmed by hatred towards the chicken restaurant. I was of course on my own and had a few disagreements in my head about eating there by myself but my stomach beat my head so I went in. Once in there the waiterman said how many? With a cheeky grin I said 'just me' he replied 'Just you? Are you sure?' I nervously laughed but then thought 'oh no I was joking I was waiting for my boyfriend of five years to come in a pay for my chicken then we can both skipped together hand in hand towards to sunset'. Obviously, I didn't say this to the man as he walked me to my seat. Ah ha! The seat I was shunned right in the corner of the restaurant completley out of "normal" people's view. As I was seating myself he then attempted to comfort me by saying 'its ok I am on my break in five if you want some company'. I didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or weep and ensured him it was fine and I was perfectly happy on my own. Being single in Nando's is like having leprosy. You are shunned to the corner and when you go to refill your single pepsi you get a sad/odd look from the smug couple who are out because they simple couldn't be bothered to cook.

Nando's was my Christians world in terms of anti-singleness pressure. If you're single and fancy chicken cook it at home! I beg you! For the love of everything good don't do Nando's on your own. Sadly, when I worked at Pizza Hut I was one of them people feeling sorry for the supposed lonely singletons, who had come in for a quick meat feast and a sneaky bottle of wine. Why is being single a bad thing?! Once we head towards our early twenties why is this sudden pressure that we are in search of our husbands/wives?
If I told my non-Christians friends that I they are to search for their husbands/wives they simple answer would be "Woah! Chill out! I am only 20". Why as Christians do we have this attitude. I mean my friend refers (in jest!) to Soul Survivor as wife provider. It just pokes at the fun that we head to any Christian event with the attitude that we are going to find our husbands. I am gonna hold up my hands and say that I have had this attitude. I do believe it is wrong to think this.

Paul chats so openly in 1 Corinthians 7 about the joys of being married but also the joys of being single. Paul was single. Paul didn't answer to anyone except God.
1 Corinthians 7 32 "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord"
When we are single the only people that we are to please is God. The only person we are responsible for is ourselves so let us use that and remember that our sole purpose is to serve God. When we are in a relationship/marriage whatever then we serve God together but for now we are 'free from concern'. We don't have commitments to others all we have is our commitment to ourselves and God. Let us honour them. So next time I feel this pressure that it is wrong to be single and I shouldn't hate myself that I have yet to discover the perfect man; I should however rejoice that God is going to use me when I am single.
We need to remember this
1 Corinthians 17 " each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him"
Let us retain our positions as singletons and so next time we walk into Nandos and the waiter says 'just you? Are you sure?' we can turn and say 'Yes I am sure' with great confidence and pride.

Til next time. x